fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my vag is so smooth its legendary
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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