I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
my liver is dry heaving
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
