I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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