oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
