just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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