fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
