the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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