Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
