Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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