he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
