I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
