Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
