I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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