my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
