How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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