Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
