My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
