kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
