Screwed.edu
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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