When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
