i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
