wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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