Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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