Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
