is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
