my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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