Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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