paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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