Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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