So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
