so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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