I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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