So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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