I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
