So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
