wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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