Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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