We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize