She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
