Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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