I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
