If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im holly from the hills drunk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
