Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
