I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
