are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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