Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How does one acquire holy water?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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