so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
