I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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