ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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