I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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