I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
