he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
