girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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