somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
