I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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