We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
