were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Did I show you my penis last night?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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