hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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