your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
