question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
