Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize