I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
