Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
