Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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