Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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