I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
