does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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