i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize