I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize