You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
