It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
