i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
