dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
