a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
