so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
