Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
