I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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